Homework assignments are at the bottom of this entry.
In class we reviewed the SOAPS+Claim homework for the article "My Life as a Chef for $25 an Entree".
We then reviewed (part) of this article:
One Hundred Things Restaurant Staffers Should
Never Do
Herewith is a modest list of dos
and don’ts for servers at the seafood restaurant I am building. Veteran
waiters, moonlighting actresses, libertarians and baristas will no doubt
protest some or most of what follows. They will claim it homogenizes them or
stifles their true nature. And yet, if 100 different actors play Hamlet,
hitting all the same marks, reciting all the same lines, cannot each one bring
something unique to that role?
1. Do not let anyone enter the
restaurant without a warm greeting.
2. Do not make a singleton feel
bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if
he or she would like to sit at the bar.
3. Never refuse to seat three
guests because a fourth has not yet arrived.
4. If a table is not ready within a
reasonable length of time, offer a free drink and/or amuse-bouche. The guests
may be tired and hungry and thirsty, and they did everything right.
5. Tables should be level without
anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated.
6. Do not lead the witness with,
“Bottled water or just tap?” Both are fine. Remain neutral.
7. Do not announce your name. No
jokes, no flirting, no cuteness.
8. Do not interrupt a conversation.
For any reason. Especially not to recite specials. Wait for the right moment.
9. Do not recite the specials too
fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition.
10. Do not inject your personal
favorites when explaining the specials.
11. Do not hustle the lobsters.
That is, do not say, “We only have two lobsters left.” Even if there are only
two lobsters left.
12. Do not touch the rim of a water
glass. Or any other glass.
13. Handle wine glasses by their
stems and silverware by the handles.
14. When you ask, “How’s
everything?” or “How was the meal?” listen to the answer and fix whatever is
not right.
15. Never say “I don’t know” to any
question without following with, “I’ll find out.”
16. If someone requests more sauce
or gravy or cheese, bring a side dish of same. No pouring. Let them help
themselves.
17. Do not take an empty plate from
one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.
18. Know before approaching a table
who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?”
19. Offer guests butter and/or
olive oil with their bread.
20. Never refuse to substitute one
vegetable for another.
21. Never serve anything that looks
creepy or runny or wrong.
22. If someone is unsure about a
wine choice, help him. That might mean sending someone else to the table or
offering a taste or two.
23. If someone likes a wine, steam
the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the
year, the vintner, the importer, etc.
24. Never use the same glass for a
second drink.
25. Make sure the glasses are
clean. Inspect them before placing them on the table.
26. Never assume people want their
white wine in an ice bucket. Inquire.
27. For red wine, ask if the guests
want to pour their own or prefer the waiter to pour.
28. Do not put your hands all over
the spout of a wine bottle while removing the cork.
29. Do not pop a champagne cork.
Remove it quietly, gracefully. The less noise the better.
30. Never let the wine bottle touch
the glass into which you are pouring. No one wants to drink the dust or dirt
from the bottle.
31. Never remove a plate full of
food without asking what went wrong. Obviously, something went wrong.
32. Never touch a customer. No
excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.
33. Do not bang into chairs or
tables when passing by.
34. Do not have a personal
conversation with another server within earshot of customers.
35. Do not eat or drink in plain
view of guests.
36. Never reek from perfume or
cigarettes. People want to smell the food and beverage.
37. Do not drink alcohol on the
job, even if invited by the guests. “Not when I’m on duty” will suffice.
38.Do not call a guy a “dude.”
39. Do not call a woman “lady.”
40. Never say, “Good choice,”
implying that other choices are bad.
41. Saying, “No problem” is a
problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure”
or “You’re welcome” will do.
42. Do not compliment a guest’s
attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else.
43. Never mention what your
favorite dessert is. It’s irrelevant.
44. Do not discuss your own eating
habits, be you vegan or lactose intolerant or diabetic.
45. Do not curse, no matter how
young or hip the guests.
46. Never acknowledge any one guest
over and above any other. All guests are equal.
47. Do not gossip about co-workers
or guests within earshot of guests.
48. Do not ask what someone is
eating or drinking when they ask for more; remember or consult the order.
49. Never mention the tip, unless
asked.
50. Do not turn on the charm when
it’s it’s tip time. Be consistent throughout.
51. If there is a service charge,
alert your guests when you present the bill. It’s not a secret or a trick.
52. Know your menu inside and out.
If you serve Balsam Farm candy-striped beets, know something about Balsam Farm
and candy-striped beets.
53. Do not let guests double-order
unintentionally; remind the guest who orders ratatouille that zucchini comes
with the entree.
54. If there is a prix fixe, let
guests know about it. Do not force anyone to ask for the “special” menu.
55. Do not serve an amuse-bouche
without detailing the ingredients. Allergies are a serious matter; peanut oil
can kill. (This would also be a good time to ask if anyone has any allergies.)
56. Do not ignore a table because
it is not your table. Stop, look, listen, lend a hand. (Whether tips are pooled
or not.)
57. Bring the pepper mill with the
appetizer. Do not make people wait or beg for a condiment.
58. Do not bring judgment with the
ketchup. Or mustard. Or hot sauce. Or whatever condiment is requested.
59. Do not leave place settings
that are not being used.
60. Bring all the appetizers at the
same time, or do not bring the appetizers. Same with entrees and desserts.
61. Do not stand behind someone who
is ordering. Make eye contact. Thank him or her.
62. Do not fill the water glass
every two minutes, or after each sip. You’ll make people nervous.
62(a). Do not let a glass sit empty
for too long.
63. Never blame the chef or the
busboy or the hostess or the weather for anything that goes wrong. Just make it
right.
64. Specials, spoken and printed,
should always have prices.
65. Always remove used silverware
and replace it with new.
66. Do not return to the guest
anything that falls on the floor — be it napkin, spoon, menu or soy sauce.
67. Never stack the plates on the
table. They make a racket. Shhhhhh.
68. Do not reach across one guest
to serve another.
69. If a guest is having trouble
making a decision, help out. If someone wants to know your life story, keep it
short. If someone wants to meet the chef, make an effort.
70. Never deliver a hot plate
without warning the guest. And never ask a guest to pass along that hot plate.
71. Do not race around the dining
room as if there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency. (Unless there
is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency.)
72. Do not serve salad on a
freezing cold plate; it usually advertises the fact that it has not been freshly
prepared.
73. Do not bring soup without a
spoon. Few things are more frustrating than a bowl of hot soup with no spoon.
74. Let the guests know the
restaurant is out of something before the guests read the menu and order the
missing dish.
75. Do not ask if someone is
finished when others are still eating that course.
76. Do not ask if a guest is
finished the very second the guest is finished. Let guests digest, savor,
reflect.
77. Do not disappear.
78. Do not ask, “Are you still
working on that?” Dining is not work — until questions like this are asked.
79. When someone orders a drink
“straight up,” determine if he wants it “neat” — right out of the bottle — or
chilled. Up is up, but “straight up” is debatable.
80. Never insist that a guest
settle up at the bar before sitting down; transfer the tab.
81. Know what the bar has in stock
before each meal.
82. If you drip or spill something,
clean it up, replace it, offer to pay for whatever damage you may have caused.
Refrain from touching the wet spots on the guest.
83. Ask if your guest wants his
coffee with dessert or after. Same with an after-dinner drink.
84. Do not refill a coffee cup
compulsively. Ask if the guest desires a refill.
84(a). Do not let an empty coffee
cup sit too long before asking if a refill is desired.
85. Never bring a check until
someone asks for it. Then give it to the person who asked for it.
86. If a few people signal for the
check, find a neutral place on the table to leave it.
87. Do not stop your excellent
service after the check is presented or paid.
88. Do not ask if a guest needs
change. Just bring the change.
89. Never patronize a guest who has
a complaint or suggestion; listen, take it seriously, address it.
90. If someone is getting agitated
or effusive on a cellphone, politely suggest he keep it down or move away from
other guests.
91. If someone complains about the
music, do something about it, without upsetting the ambiance. (The music is not
for the staff — it’s for the customers.)
92. Never play a radio station with
commercials or news or talking of any kind.
93. Do not play brass — no brassy
Broadway songs, brass bands, marching bands, or big bands that feature brass,
except a muted flugelhorn.
94. Do not play an entire CD of any
artist. If someone doesn’t like Frightened Rabbit or Michael Bublé, you have
just ruined a meal.
95. Never hover long enough to make
people feel they are being watched or hurried, especially when they are
figuring out the tip or signing for the check.
96. Do not say anything after a tip
— be it good, bad, indifferent — except, “Thank you very much.”
97. If a guest goes gaga over a
particular dish, get the recipe for him or her.
98. Do not wear too much makeup or
jewelry. You know you have too much jewelry when it jingles and/or draws
comments.
99. Do not show frustration. Your
only mission is to serve. Be patient. It is not easy.
100. Guests, like servers, come in
all packages. Show a “good table” your appreciation with a free glass of port,
a plate of biscotti or something else management approves.
Bonus Track: As Bill Gates has
said, “Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.” (Of
course, Microsoft is one of the most litigious companies in history, so one can
take Mr. Gates’s counsel with a grain of salt. Gray sea salt is a nice addition
to any table.) tip time. Be consistent
throughout.
Next students were asked to write about why they go out to eat and what is most important about this experience them. This writing was shared with a partner and discussed. This will be an important element of the restaurant reviews due in January.
Students were then given a copy of a restaurant review of Tilth by Frank Bruni.
Homework is to read and annotate the review to respond to these two questions:
Does this review provide all the information you need? Where? How?
Do you know enough about Bruni to evaluate Tilth? Where / how do yo learn this?
Also, a draft of a personal college or OSAC essay is due on Monday as well.
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